what’s your soul made of? mine is probably lavender, the smell of books, the colors of the sky and adrenaline
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I am figuring out which parts of my personality are mine and which ones I created to please you.
The Dust On This Poem Could Choke You/ Lora Mathis lora-mathis (via possibilityofliving)
wow you have very nice looking hands…… i bet they would look even better wrapped up in mine…..
or around my dick
or clasped together in prayer askin god to help you see the error of your ways
when you get older do old people start becoming attractive to you like when I’m 70 are 70 year old men gonna look hot like this is a legitimate concern of mine
why the fuck has it become cool and original to have a mental illness
YOU WANT A MENTAL ILLNESS? TAKE MINE. I DON’T WANT IT.
How relationships work:
I like your butt.
However, I can notice other butts. They can be nice too.
But your butt is my favourite butt. It’s the nicest butt. Because it’s mine. And I can touch it.
What are some good ways to heal from heart break?
Please don’t get tired of me please don’t get tired of me please don’t get tired of me please don’t get tired of me please don’t get tired of me please don’t get tired of me please don’t get tired of me please don’t get tired of me please don’t get tired of me please don’t get tired of me plea
- alien: hello i come in peace
- me: bro wtf an alien
- alien: yeah totally
- me: dude that is awesome how can i totally be of assistance
- alien: take me to your lizards
- me:
- me: bro did u mean leader
- alien: *hands me a satellite image of a t rex* nah bro take me to your lizards
- me: bro...... you just.... im sorry bro....you just missed um man........ u just barely missed them
Things I Say While I'm Driving
- Me: What the fuck are you doing. What. The fuck. Are you doing.
- Me: NICE BLINKER ASSHOLE.
- Me: Why the FUCK are we not even going to speed limit. Why.
- Me: I AM GOING TEN MILES PER HOUR OVER THE SPEED LIMIT WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT
- Me: Shit is that a cop? No.
- Me: Shit THAT is a cop.
- Me: /dinosaur screams/